Employee Rules And Regulations

HR Circular Dear STAFF, please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

1. Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. a) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. b)If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise. c)If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise
2. Annual Leave Each employee will receive 104 days of annual leave per year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays.
3. Sick Leave We will no longer accept medical certificates issued by doctors as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
4. SURGERY As long as you are an employee in our organization , you need all your organs. - You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. - To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment contract
5. Toilet Use Too much time is being spent in the toilets. a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles. b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken. c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the quot;Chronic Offendersquot; category. d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.
6. Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast.
7. TRANSPORTATION It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary. a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise. c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise
8. INTERNET USAGE All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) .If we decide not to give you any bonus charges will be deducted from your salary. Important Note: Charges applicable as $20 per minute as we have 4MB connection. Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
9. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. The Management

The management seek for your co-operation for improvement of image and attitude toward commitment in job. 

Thank you.

On behalf of Management
of Sakaibaoz Sdn Bhd

OSCAR FINANCE MANAGER